Faith's Struggle
by Sarah E. Haringa

Hurdles are getting higher, God,
losing sight of who you are.
Going through the motions now,
each day like the one before...

Every hour is a test of patience,
each minute a test of strength.
Lord, how much longer must I wait?
Right now it seems you’re late...

"All in his time," so people say,
and while I know those words are true,
with the way things are going, God,
I’ve lost the comfort in that, too...

My hope is being shattered,
burdens press me to the ground.
My once-strong faith is wavering,
like Peter I’m sinking down...

I’m sailing a sea called Lonesome
to an island named Despair.
My ship has blown off course,
black clouds looming in the air...

Lightning fills the darkened sky,
and it feels like I’ve been hit.
But when I ask, "Why Lord?"
you simply say, "Don’t quit..."

Oh God, I’m your child!
Please listen to my cry.
However long it takes,
I’ll wait for your reply...

But if I have to wait much longer,
then you must give me patience.
If I am supposed to trust,
then you must give me faith...

Your answers mean so much to me;
it’s your will I’m striving for.
All I want is a glimpse of home,
to rest at last upon your shore...

Is this what they mean by
"Leap of Faith"?
When your feet can’t touch the bottom
and land seems so far away?

I want to reach out to you
despite my present fears.
Draw me closer to you now, God,
and wash away my tears...

I will rest tomorrow,
your love is all I know.
But in the storms of life, Lord,
please hold my hand and don’t let go...

Because u care

Just when u know u cant make it thru life... someone makes sure they care for u and walks with you till the very end of life. Making sure u don't get hurt and making sure u always smile with laughter :)

That someone may not always be close, but near. Not always visible but present. Very quiet yet known. Shy but brave to care. Silent and sweet, comfortable to be with and certain to give u the very best in life. Struggles in expectation yet not expecting. Endures with you no doubt, till the very end.....

*Thank you.*

What really are dreams?

I had such and such a thought ....What are DREAMS?

Is it a mere imagination of the mind as we slip into our sub-consciousness sleep or is it a message that is from God? or does the devil intrude into this part of us?

Have u tried hard enough that if u think too much of something or someone before u sleep, that u'll actually dream of it as well? But how do we define something so intangible , so abstract as this??? How...??? by just our own experiences i guess...

Have u ever been told, that U were in someone's dreams? You'd asked what the dream was about, as though it would be a telling of the future or the past. You think it could be psychic and tell about ur future or maybe just for laughs....ahhh....

Dreams....these are just a few..... how bout nightmares? Some people have them every nite.... i thank God i dont! Some have visions... of heaven and hell.... u can find them written in books and novels... and some wake up with big big ideas and the nex big thing is this business on the way... how amazing... how terrifying..... how...oh.. how... some say movies or films, horror especially play a big deal in nightmares...hmmm true? i dont know... i dont watch horror! dont ask me to go for any horror flicks k....

Have u wished u were in your dreams in reality?

Still around in PENang!

Sorry for the long silence, i am still on the island of Penang. I am temporarily waiting for the reply from an organisation to give me the tickets to fly down to Singapore to start off a new life! Hah.... that is exactly what i am doing day by day. Well... the ambiguity is really sinking into my head.... and thoughts of the organisation might just have forgotten us who applied for the job and maybe my medical checkup was unsuccessful! Whatever is keeping them from informing us the nex step?! Patience is really being tested and doubts are increasing in my head... Oh Lord, help me focus on you despite all this doubts!



Hey people,So what exactly am i doing at home? Hatching EGGS ??? haha.... unlikely... my neighbours have chickens that coo every morning,i dont think they need another old hen here. haha... i am but helping my mom make Chinese Dumplings! ahaha.. yeah... me and mom are basicly spending quality time together making em... nice? wanna have a bite? hehe... send me your address and i'll send em Over! Alrite... still dont know what it is? Its 'BACHANG" lah! haha.... okok...i shall take another photo when i open the wrappings to eat, (sorry forgot to include)... and no we dont eat the Leaves wrapping em! It contains,'pulut' rice, beans/peanuts, meat and small dried shrimps.

Tom... Ah Poh ( my lovely granny on the right) taught us to
make em~ hehe... wanna eat the Bachang??? Yum!Yum! We had my granny over to stay with us for a couple of weeks, and it was the chinese season for some celebration when this Dumplings were made for the occasion. Me and mom were self taught by the 'guru' herself.

Besides making the dumplings, my frens and i had a barbeque yesterday at the beach... much like a reunion and a goodbye kinda thing as some are back from studies and work and likewise some going off to study and work. Thanks for making it so memorable everyone!
(Fr top) Alan, Barn, Erin (Middle) Ray, Me, Viv & Sharon (Bottom) Eric


Me, Vivien and Erin!

Life ....&....goodbyes

Life has got its up and downs.... how do you deal with it?
i find it harsh... when we have to say goodbye to some friends, knowing well u might never see them again. Dont get me wrong... i'm not talking about death, or maybe that will happen. i dont know! i'm talking about people you met and spent a day talking and getting to know that person. I wonder... if the nex day... i will ever see that person again. but hope lives in us,that we might see them again.... maybe not so soon...but ....thats life?!

'Lets not say "goodbye"...unless we promise to say "hello" again -soon!'

the day will come when we shall see each other again... in white robes and smiles. but i silently hope.... we will meet on earth again before heaven. Let us mend the times we lost, let me say I'm sorry, for the things i may have done wrong. LET our frailed connections be made strong again, and maybe let us try to help each other up again, in moments when we were apart, you may have fallen and there was no one to pick you up.

Let music, lyrics and pictures help us remember each other again. Let us make new memories, only old age might erase. Let us build mansions in heaven and help others to build theirs too. I want to remember the beauty of who you are always, no matter how'd you become.

Friends forever still stands.

Gifts are for u and me

#"Oh dear bridget, its me again if u remember. i am on a cross roads in my life, thinking of how i can use my gifts to serve the Lord even in the most unconditional environment! but u have inspired me to belief that those gifts are given to us for a purpose, choosing not to use them, would be foolish and i had been sad not using them too. So just like what Sarahgrace said, i'm just gonna go ahead and give my availability to God. He has His very own purpose for that very gift in me and in You! Thank u so much, u never know how much u can touch a persons life just by what u write. I'm blessed by u! Continue to write beautifully!"#

This what i commented on Bridget's wonderful POST she wrote in her blog. i feel so encouraged, i couldnt agree more with what she wrote. I hope you will be blessed and will learn not to take your gifts for granted....Oh LORD!....i spread my wings and feel YOU as Wind beneath my wings!

Down on my feet

hey hey... i am down on my feet in KL. Have been wanting to go to KL for a long time since i quit my job at the bank. And then finally i'm down here and meeting up with my friends from dumc and uni friends. i am blessed.

but currently having a bit of the flu since down here and wished i wasnt so that i can eat all the great food and hang out more. so do pray for me.

Ahh.... i forgot! Its the ANNIVERSARY of my blogging history! I posted my first post on 22 April 2005. ITS been a YEAR@! HipHip Hurray! I have survived a year of updating myself and writting about the most important parts of my life in here,and most importantly....i hope i have blessed you with some of my testimonies of how God has been good to me.... and the best thing yet is... that God is still going to be good all the TIME! Praise HIM!

You know... when we reflect back at the things we write or remember the times we went through, I cant help but feel blessed that God has gotten me through the horrids and also the joys. Remembering should not hurt, but instead u should see yourself healed and better than before. I really thank God that nothing runs out of coincidence, and that God has a plan for everything!

I wish.....

I wish that one day i could write in here that i'm flying to everywhere in the whole world.
I wish that i will tell u more each day on my adventures and what i'd seen.
I wish it could be easy to have wings and fly when i want to.
I wish that i can touch the stars and gaze at the moon larger than my face.
I wish i was there with you and back with you.
I wish it was just not a dream.
I wish that sometimes the wind will bring me there.
I wish that i was the wind.
I wish i could see the Northen Lights.
I wish that when i dream, there is hope.
I wish that i knew where i'm flying to this time,or will i.............~ ~ ~ ,',----<@

You Should Drive a Saturn Sky

You're sleek and smooth, and you need a car to match your hot persona. Besides, sometimes you want your top up - and sometimes you want it down.

What 2007 Car Should You Drive?

Weddings and Funerals and A risen KING!

Hey guys... its been as eventful....even when i'm still jobless at this time.

April 14th...Good Friday service with my parents at the Berjaya Hotel. The speaker was Rev.Fred Seaward. Watched and heard him describe the death of a great King. Taking the whip and hearing the lashes,we picture this Great King, being deformed as his flesh was taken out of him as the whips with claws ripped his back. Then we see the Cross as He alone carried it on His back, "With splitters piercing His back even more." Imagine the pain He had to go through. They hung Him on that same Cross and He had to push His body upwards so that He could breath as His hands and legs were nailed to the Cross!

This story doesnt end like in any movies... the Hero dies.......AND......the best thing is... He didnt stay dead....He got the keys from Hell and stood before hundreds to prove HE had RISEN from the Dead! And the keys of death in His hands, tells us that we can now live eternally than eternal death and suffering. We only make one move, which is to choose to believe this name called Jesus, whose life God could have choosen to spare but instead...you know the story...was given as a sacrifice for you! I trust this story of Love overwhelms you everyday and even cause you to be so curious, you would want to find out "WHY"....dont just let me tell you in this short story...Dont just let anyone tell you the story...Take the book and read it yourself...its called the Bible.


April 15th....the wedding of a couple i had been in touch almost my entire teen life till now. My once cell leader DAnny and my big sister in Christ, Megan got married after a much long courtship...such a blessing that God has bless this union...which also brings back relationships long lost. I always think... a union brings another union...i'm talking about friends we havent seen for a long time coming back for the wedding and meeting up with them to see how they are... its been a blessing. I met up with a couple of friends...those that i had grown up with in church...and those that had gone to other places and back just for the union.

April 16th.... the day the Lord Jesus Christ rise from the Dead! AWESOME! Everywhere every one celebrates God's victory over sin and death~! Its no hoax... its the reason why we believe in God. Because if Jesus did not resurrect, there wouldn't be any reason for celebration.... and there wouldn't be any hope left for this world. Usually during Easter Sunday, many will pledge thier commitment to follow Christ when they get baptised. Its a symbol to say... we no longer live our lives like in the past...but to be a new creation in Christ, new life with Jesus. new meaning to the purpose in living and choosing to say... GOD i want to be part of your great plan for my life!

April 17th... A day begun with news of the death of an uncle back in PUSING,IPOH. My mom's brother in law. Have to go back for his funeral today.... a sudden news to us, however we weren't very close to him though...but its customary to attend the funeral of a relative member of the family. Praying for a safe journey and a pleasant stay in IPOH though the grief of the family.

There there..... all about Weddings and funerals and a Risen King!
A time to celebrate and a time to grief.

Exotic I am

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Amazing how we call ourselves... exotic, self proclaim heroes, peacefully radical, all-rounded feaster, tenderly outrageous, passionate believer and unbeatable among others. Nope u may not hear these names yourselves, but how often are we taken for names we are not?

Be original, forget imitating others, it'l be so hard for those who might be actually imitating You! haha... thats funny...I just have this message... improve yourself and stay true to being who you are. God made you special. YOu are you and I am me...Let us celebrate our uniqueness and thank God!

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

The Morning Light

O the Wonderful Cross, what the morning that gives its light. How awesome that He watches us and looks at us.He knows he has made us with substance and not far from Him likeness... How wonderful He is... and angels adore Him and music is played all day and night. No other but Him in all of HeaVen and Earth!

Let the meaning and purpose of life, again fill our hearts where there is hatred, ignorance, unforgiveness, hurt and pain, self-indulgence, pride, intimidation, suffering, hunger, self-torturing, and etc. May these end at the Cross where sins are washed away and our past just a memory. Let His grace lead you through each day. Let His glory so forth shines out from you.

May this Easter show you that Love was not in vain. May you know.....

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

This is the result of the second time i answered the test. How ironic can it get. The first result says i should be a Teacher.
I still dont know what i want to be. But i know i cant persuade or sell, so why do i choose marketting? Can skills be trained and learned up? i mean Selling and persuading. On the other hand, i could become an actor, book editor, clothes designer, dancer and maybe a sculptor... Not DJ, i'm too naive, or art teacher, too little experience in art stuff, comedian? does anybody laugh at my jokes? i cant do graphic design, illustrator or musician without goin to school to learn about it. So thats taht....:( :)

Tomorrow Comes and Tomorrow Goes

I'm living on the side walks of life. Watching as the figures walk by and frames run through. Its a busy day for some, and yet its been a lazy day for me. I am looking...but not joining them. I have yet to get a notch of truth and sometimes i've been the worst i ever am in the day and stay up all night to wonder Why i did that!

Its cruel to the body and sapping the spirit of its strength. Sleep deteriorates and the body functions with half its internal organs asleep. The heart beats with rhythms undeterred and yet the system of the brain plays a different tune. Wonders and worries collide together but when do such companies match up? Bishops and nuns have a vow to keep. A letter in a word describes the word. A common thought brings out the best in knowledge and reasoning. Sometimes, we don’t even know why we reason.

We tend to keep our love ones from the secrets in our lives, yet we run to them when we need them to listen. Trust is overly used and sometimes breached, painful and unforgiving. Stories told and stories heard, lessons learnt and actions responded. We show our care but expectations can be disappointing. Right and Wrong Decisions will be queried of you in the future, yet today we face them every minute. Not making any is not an answer but an excuse and a failure.

Happiness is your effort. What you strife for is what you get. How true will this be? Are we not submitted to the higher authority that controls all walks of life? A simpler explanation could not be as sincere as a rich man that stores up for the winter and decides to have fun all year round, that when he has finished his efforts of storing and keeping, his life is taken from him that very night. Luke 12 :16-21.

Amused by it...in awe of it

Whatever u do.... catch a butterfly and watch it fly. See the blue skies with white sheep clouds swift by. Honey bees making their runs for cups of nectar. Will the world stop to look at nature at all?

Out of the morgue...

Yes... test results... the round spot is now red and rosy...and no you cant have a Bite! hehe... the doctor says its at bottomline after he meassured its redness to be around 1cm. So he gave me a negative! *Phew!....its all over....I dont have Tibi and i dont need to take any X-rays to prove anything. HEALTHY!!!!!! yaya...

Ok....so application will be underway. Will send all the rest of the documents tomorrow. Nope i wont be putting up another picture of a death scene...haha....sorry i scare ya all...it was not my intention...but i take a pic of every part of body that gets some weird treatment...just like my thumb the other time.... come to think of it...why do i have all this weird things? ahha.....bah...it makes me special...*wink* anyways.... my thumb is back to normal...no more blacky...but still sensative...if u had missed my horrible thumb pictures... check out the May 2005 postings...the ugly pics are there.

Gosh....have you guys heard any Hokkien songs? this song i'm hearing is horrible! wanna laugh but cannot laugh...haha... never ever ask any hokkien to sing puhhhhleaseeeee..... especially rap...

Out of the morgue is an illustration,it doesnt mean i've been there but i have been in there in my spirit... feels as if its total death... i cant seem to find my future, nothing is certain and i am not having an income. Self-struggle seems to get a hold of me. oh...bah....pray for me yah...

You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image. On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex. You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time. Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.

What Donut Are You?

MANTOUX Test

A certain test i had to do...Mantoux Test was the name. Sounded like Sheltox, the mosquito spray~! Anyways...there i went to the nurses room, they pulled the needle and injected the toxin. He says...(Yes, he was a male nurse)...,"You know what this is, don't you? Its a skin test to check if i had Tibi~ So they'll inject it on my hand and draw a circle....thats what it's all about. He says I am not suppose to rub it off till I see the Physician on Monday. Which is 3days later.

Blame me...I said, " Well why dont you draw a flower instead? that'll look better..." He said,"Well..i will~",chuckles. But He didn't. He left the round spot there and told me not to wash it or soap it.

So i took a morgue picture of my hand to show you that ITS THE TRUTH! haha.... so.... in 3days... i will know if i have Tibi. Maybe it'll swell...or it'll itch....or it'll be black! Will it stop me from going out? Nope! i have a tendency to draw on my hands with the absence of paper... so... it should be alrite wouldn't it???????????????? God give me strong immune system!

On the other hand...please dont think this is some Drug addicts hand after he died of drug injection overdose k...CSI fans are warned...
...haha..couldn't you possibly help to say i'm so good in disguise? hehe....ok...enough ya.... =P

Helping others to help Yourself

I have this thought. But is it true, or does it work?

Suddenly it hits me that i dont have all the Problems in the world, or so i thought. The world is full of surprises and yet full of discomforts of the soul. A man cries as his only light dies in his arms. A lady moans as she looses her first love. A man lives as though his soul has left him, a girl walks down the street hoping to be heard and cared for. A boy makes his way across a street with tears and finds his mother beneath a car. A daughter sits and waits but her father will never come. A lady looks to the sky and moans her beloved, a man drives aimlessly with no happy thoughts. A serious man is only himself when he sobs at his bedside. A dear sister never forgets her dead brother. An infant will never feel his mother's love again. A patient longing for life not his.

All this happen for a reason, yet you see A teacher making it happen as though the opportunity would have been hers. Her students love her. They pour out to her and tell her their sores and sorrows. She doesn't mind getting her hands dirty with bloody bandages or that her eyes were swollen for crying with them. She is but Someone ordinary. Like us, she has her own hurts and a past. But to her all those is forgotten as she helps to comfort others. Comforting others may just help to solve our own problems.

I have many problems...some i cant share coz they are too secret in my heart, yet some are such that we can share becoz its similar to others. Yet all this comes out of life. Questioning WHY God allowed it to happen will not stop it, neither will denying it do the deal. Choose to overcome it. Be a better Person. God can help. Someday you'll be a teacher when someone falls into the same hole you did a few years back.