Friday, March 02, 2012

Missing grandma...

Grandma passed away on 28 Feb 2012. She lived to a 100years old. She
passed away peacefully in her home in Pusing, Ipoh.

Without grandma, will going home to Pusing will be different. Will we ever be visiting anymore?
As the family prepares for her funeral, I'm staying back in Singapore as I'm 7 months pregnant now. My grandma's daughter who is my Mom is in the US with my brother and family. How could she leave when we are all not around? 
Was it God's will that she left in her sleep without seeing all her loved ones? My heart pains and cries. It still feels like I'm  goin through it alone. 

But my husband is here with me. And my baby is within me. "Please don't cry and be too upset, because the little one will be affected too.", my brain tells me but my heart still aches. 

My grandma will not be able to see my little one. But at least she came for my wedding. How I wished I'd spend more time with her. She is my lovely grandma. 

As I ponder moments I had with her back in Penang and Ipoh. She gave her love unconditionally. She taught us how to make Chinese Dumpling (bachang) one time, few years back. She could still use a 'parang' to chop a comb of bananas at the back of her house when hubby went back with me( then we were still courting) 
Her love for some sweet bitter cakes ( kueh) from the road side market. Her passion to bring her goods to sell at the local market. She has always missed her freedom to do things independently and missed her hometown. My grandma was a very strong lady, physically and towards the end mentally sound too. 

As we saw her grow older, i knew she longed to be young and vibrant again ( taking her walks, tending her fruit farm, feeding her free range chickens, riding on her bicycle ) Now all her children and grandchildren have left to stay in the city. None has shared her love for the village she lived in. Home is home. No matter how beautiful it is in the city or how cars can transport her to different cities to stay in different homes by her children, home is home. She longed for home.

At last she was home and she slept on her bed which she slept for many years in the room ,in the house, her husband built. We belief then, she was at peace to leave. 

Now where she is, a place where no illness, nor physical limitations will ever take place. She is probably in her 30's, her youthful self again, tending to her garden and smiling at her new neighbors.  She is with Him who saw her In her mothers womb. Now with Him, no more tears or sadness. Now love and joy is being with the Him, her Father. 

I cried and told Him, that I missed her. "Dear Father, if You could, tell her that I love her and miss her".