Another email from a fellow candidate for Sq informed us about the good news about reporting in for training in August. So far, five other girls have been given the good news. Slowly...replies are coming in one by one. We will be separated and will be reporting in on different dates. I fear i will receive the last email, or may just be rejected again. However that is not the only thing i fear.
I fear leaving home now. I dont know why or what happen to my enthusiasm in the first place.??? i fear i may die of spiritual hunger and suffer loneliness as not able to adapt to such a change in environment and maybe pressure... mostly i fear leaving my comfort and close knit of family and friends. What can i do?
Maybe if i receive the reply.... it would not be the reply i have expected....i may be disappointed but moreover i know my family will be there for me. But if i receive the expected answer.... i may not be brave enough to go with it... feeling such frailty in me... i simply can't explain how i feel now.
I fear, if the reply comes today, i may not have enough time to spend acknowledgin everyone close. I fear coz i dont know how to acknowledge some even now. I fear i may never find such friendship, relationship or close bond as with so many i have now. The fear of starting anew and being not strong now is intimidating and discouraging.
I try to share my concerns with my fellow girlfrens who are going... but i guess i get no answers that will subside my fears. So, i'm turning to the most High, expecting an answer, hope and assurance that i'll be fine wherever He puts me.
You... on the other hand... need be strong and courageous, unlike me... and press on for the things u dream of. And Maybe u can encourage me someday as we all do with our little experiences. Drop me a line....whenever u feel like it.